


Hemorrhage

by CrimsonFirebreeze



Series: The Arcana [6]
Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Guilt, Love, Men Crying, Mild Blood, Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-22 14:16:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21078167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonFirebreeze/pseuds/CrimsonFirebreeze
Summary: Alyce comes home to find that Julian had a really rough day in the clinic and needs a little help coping with it.





	Hemorrhage

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote this because a friend of mine was talking about how how crying in the bathtub makes her feel SO vulnerable. 
> 
> I didn't realize I had SUCH feels over Julian crying....

There's bloody rags on the counter when I return from the market. Julian is nowhere to be seen. I don't hear him moving around upstairs either. That can mean only one of two things. I grab the rags and head up the stairs. There's a trail of clothes, also bloody, leading to the washroom. I look to Malak, preening in the window and the big black bird fixes me with his dark stare and quarks. Alls well as far as the raven is concerned. I find Julian in the tub, soaking, head back and eyes closed, knees sticking up out of the water, his arm sort of dangling over the side. His face is troubled.

"Julian?" His eyes open but he doesn't look at me. Something is wrong. I kneel beside the tub and hold his hand. "What happened."

"I lost a patient today," he says quietly.

"Oh… I'm so sorry, love," I say, reaching up to caress his cheek. He turns his head from me. 

"Hemorrhage. I couldn't stop it."

"These things do happen," I advise gently. "You're not a god. There are things you can't control."

"But, I'm a Doctor." He still won't look at me and I know he's blaming himself for literally everything going wrong in the world.

I sigh and stand, his fingers slipping through mine. He's not trying to hold on. "Come. I'll make you something to eat."

"Don't waste your time.."

I'm careful not to glare at him but I have almost no patience for his self loathing. I can fully understand that somewhere, maybe during the Red Plague, he was conditioned to think like this but I hate it. He's wonderful and he works hard and I want him to see himself through my eyes. 

"Get out. Dry off. Let me hold you."

"I'm not worth it."

"We will go for a walk."

"You shouldn't be seen with me."

I give him an irritated sigh. "Fine, if you won't come out, then I'll have to go in."

I start peeling off my clothes and it's only when I kick his legs apart to make room for myself that he realizes what I'm doing. He squirms, trying to wriggle away from me. It's a futile effort in the confines of the tub and I slide over him easily, wrapping my arms around him. 

"What are you doing," he asks, defeated.

"Comforting you." 

"You really shouldn't."

"Well, someone has to love you when you can't love yourself. I volunteer."

He finally looks at me and it's clear that he knows that I've won this round. He wraps his arms around me and gives a mighty sigh as I settle against his chest. He rests his cheek against my head and nuzzles slightly. 

"What would I do without you," he asks, his voice thick with emotion. 

"Probably throw yourself dramatically off a cliff."

He laughs, making little waves in the water and I'm happy for the sound of it. But too soon, it gives way to crying. His arms tighten around me as big heaving sobs tear through him. I’m helpless under the wave of his emotions and all I can do is just hold him through it, stroking his damp hair while he lets it all out. 

“I know,” I say softly. “It’s okay. You can’t blame yourself for things like this. Please, Julian, please don’t do this to yourself.”

“How can they trust me after this?” He shakes his head, calming a little but he’s still so upset. Whatever happened next door in the clinic shook him badly. I can only imagine what his table looks like after seeing his clothes. I take his face in my hands and push his hair out of his eyes that are so full of his pain. 

“It’s not your fault. You’re a good doctor, no matter what you think. You care so much and that is the best part of you and people love you.”

“Say it again,” he says almost desperately.

“You, Ilya Devorak, are a _good_ doctor.”

He pulls me in and kisses me so hard that I start tasting blood and I don’t stop him. I’ll do almost anything to help him stop taking on the weight of the world. When he’s taken his fill, we’re both breathing a little heavier for it and he presses his forehead to mine. His eyes open to meet mine and I think I catch a glimmer of relief there. 

“Thank you,” he says softly, long fingers stroking my cheek. I kiss the palm of his hand and settle against him again. The water is starting to go cold, but for now, I don’t care if he doesn’t. I just want to be there for him, skin to skin, making sure he will be alright. 

“I’ll clean up the clinic, “ I offer. 

“It’s already done,” he answers.

“Then, I will get the stains out of your clothes.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“I know I don’t need to. I want to help.”

He sighs and nods, kissing the top of my head. He doesn’t have the energy to protest anymore. He shifts out from under me and climbs out of the tub, the water level sinking. I watch him reach for a towel and wrap it around his hips, momentarily forgetting how upset he still is and simply marvel at the beauty of him. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something then closes it and leaves the washroom. 

By the time I’ve dressed again and finish tidying up and handling his clothes, I haven’t heard a peep from him since he got out of the tub. He must be hungry by now. I peek into the bedroom and find him already asleep, the towel barely covering him. Aris is curled up under his chin, purring. I wander over and touch his shoulder. He’s out cold and I can’t blame him. I take the towel away and cover him with the blankets, disturbing Aris in the process. My Orange kitten stretches and leaves the room, blinking sleepily. I decide to leave Julian to his rest for now and lose myself studying one of his medical books for the night.


End file.
